Practical Tools for Coping with Wandering Thoughts and Overwhelming Feelings

You might think of seasonal depression as something you have to endure every year or perhaps your stress level is chronically triggered by professional, school, or personal commitments. When these situations become nearly something you can set your watch by as cause and effect to your personal wellbeing, you may benefit from strategizing with a mental health toolkit that includes several coping strategies. If one doesn’t work or you prefer a different method, you can move on through and try another until you find a good fit. 

Some therapists pull skills from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) with their clients, a type of therapy that can help individuals relieve emotional suffering. DBT incorporates cognitive behavioral therapy and some Eastern philosophies such as mindfulness. Many of the skills discussed here are pulled from DBT and other therapy practices.

Physical activities and brain exercises can help balance your mental wellbeing too. When you find your thoughts wandering, are in a depressed state, or agitated by stress, redirecting your train of thought can help restore a more natural state of mind.

Why is my mind wandering?

With all the information on social media, we can get distracted with scrolling and absorbing so many new pieces of information in such a short time. When we’re met with a moment where we don’t have access to our usual technology distractions, we may be left feeling fidgety and unable to focus.

Where once someone might have turned to activities such as cooking, woodworking, or gardening tasks to focus the mind, now there is so many visual stimuli and social concerns that occupy our minds that we may forget to pull back and simply “be.”

But it’s not just technology. Depending on the stage of life we’re in or our individual situations, we can also have specific stressors on our minds. Financial and health worries, sandwich generation demands that come with caring for parents and children, school-age concerns like peer pressure and bullying, worry about safety and uncertainty in today’s world — these can all be taxing for people of any age.

Mindfulness means purposeful focus

When I was first learning about mindfulness, I found the idea very challenging. I thought that it meant clearing my mind and having an empty brain — something that I have never been able to do! When I learned that mindfulness is more about paying attention on purpose to something specific, I realized that mindfulness may be a useful tool.

I started with a three-minute practice each day, finding something to direct my attention toward. Anytime my mind would wander, I would gently pull my attention back and continue with the practice. Some days, it meant I was pulling my attention back more often than I was focused on the practice itself! 

But as time went on, I found myself longing to direct my attention mindfully. Instead of having the radio on during my drive home, I would turn it off and simply focus on the road. Instead of listening to a podcast as I got ready for the day, I would notice different sensations as I brushed my teeth and hair, got dressed, and ate my breakfast. Instead of calling a friend while I walked through the neighborhood, I would observe the sounds I heard or notice the wind, rain, or sun on my skin. 

Mindfulness can be a wonderful tool that allows you practice tuning into something with your full attention. Regular practice helps build this “muscle” so that it is strong when you need to use it. When you find your mind is wandering, you can use this skill in the moment to redirect your attention and decrease your wandering thoughts. 

Self-visualization/imagery: different tools that let you regain power

Self-visualization activates optimism while relieving stress, depression and anxiety. Seeing your success of getting through a hard time allows you to see that a positive resolution can be found. Similarly, imagery allows you to leave the moment and imagine a separate space that is more relaxing, like waves on a sandy beach or a favorite hike. 

You can use imagery and visualization practices alongside of mindfulness to help refocus your thoughts. Remember, mindfulness is paying attention on purpose. This could be something outside of your body, such as the sounds of nature, or something internal such as a visualization. Using imagery that brings about positive or relaxing feelings may help redirect your emotional experiences.

TIPP technique offers 4 ways to tackle overwhelming emotions

Sometimes mindfulness or visualization are not enough to refocus our thoughts. In times of crisis, we may need a different set of skills to get through the moment. This set of skills comes from DBT and can help you when you are having emotions that are very overwhelming. You can remember this set of skills by the acronym TIPP:

·      T (temperature)

·      I (intense exercise)

·      P (paced breathing)

·      P (paired muscle relaxation) 

You may be familiar with some of these exercises already, and each one is helpful on its own, though sometimes you may use multiple of these to help decrease the emotional intensity of a moment.

Note: You should consult with your doctor before using these skills as some of them (such as using temperature and exercise) may change your heart rate rapidly and could be problematic if you have certain medical conditions.  

Temperature: With elevated temperatures, your body reacts physically, which interacts with your mind’s emotions. By applying cooling measures, you can reduce your heart rate and slow your breathing. When these are elevated, your emotions often are as well. 

Try holding a bag with cool water on your forehead for 30 seconds while holding your breath or breathing slowly. This activates the “dive reflex” and can be an effective strategy for decreasing emotional intensity fast.  

Intense Exercise: It may seem odd at first to exercise if you’re supposed to be cooling down, but expending energy can directly minimize your overwhelming thoughts. Remember, you don’t have to do the steps in order, or even together. You will find your own fit using each part of the TIPP technique. 

Try sprinting, doing jumping jacks, or quickly walking for a burst of intense exercise. This will help expend your body’s stored energy in an effort to bring down your emotions to a more manageable level. 

Paced Breathing: If you’re feeling anxious, but in an environment where the first two methods wouldn’t be appropriate, pacing your breathing is a simple exercise with quick results. If you are with your kids in public or at a conference table at work, you can do this one!  

Breathe in through your nose in a slow, controlled manner and hold your breath momentarily, then let the air out through your mouth in the same slow, controlled manner. You may wish to count to five as you breathe in and seven as you breathe out, or a similar pace that feels natural for you. Try to spend a full one or two minutes on paced breathing.

Paired Muscle Relaxation: The first time I did this one, I thought it was somewhat strange, but am very glad I gave it a try. It’s one I often “go to” whether I feel overwhelmed or not because it always leaves me feeling quietly soothed and less tense. 

Sit comfortably in a chair with your eyes open or closed, whichever is comfortable! Center your thoughts on your body. Actively tense a muscle group, such as your fists, for about five seconds while breathing in. Then breathe out and relax that same muscle group for 15-30 seconds, saying to yourself the word, “Relax,” and focus on how it feels for those muscles to be relaxed. 

Some people start with their forehead and work down to their toes, while others do the reverse. Then you can practice doing more muscles at the same time until you are able to think, “Relax” and loosen all of your muscles together. This pairs your breathing and the word “relax” with releasing the physical tension from your body.    

Building a Toolbox

Mindfulness, visualization, and TIPP skills can all be helpful for reducing unwanted thoughts or overwhelming emotions. I recommend that you practice these skills during times of calm so that you are able to access them in moments when you need them. For example, building a daily practice of mindfulness can help you be prepared to mindfully focus your attention when you are stressed. Be mindful too, that you can always seek care from an experienced therapist if you need help applying these skills or they are not working as well as you would like.