Why trauma makes us avoid, and why avoidance keeps us stuck

If you found your way here, I want you to know that trauma is awful, but things can absolutely get better. Trauma is horrific, unfair and physically threatening or sexually violating to a person. Whether having experienced childhood abuse, environmental disaster, military combat, physical or sexual assault, we are not immune to experiencing symptoms of traumatic stress or possibly developing PTSD as a result.

Science tells us that about 20% or 1 of every 5 trauma survivors will go on to meet diagnostic criteria for PTSD.

Data also tells us that repeated, chronic exposure to stressful environments and situations is equally as impactful to our stress response. And much, if not all, may be hidden from view and experienced silently. 

I work with survivors of trauma from all walks of life and we typically are always collaboratively addressing emotional and situational avoidance. With seemingly good intention, we are seeking to avoid pain, and often default to doing whatever it takes to hurt less. We distract our minds so that we don’t have to touch the distressing thoughts and emotions, and we avoid people/places/things that might trigger our pain.

We then find ourselves living with not only the natural pain from our experience but also the additional burden incurred from attempting to emotionally dodge or suppress. 

And this emotional rollercoaster, or lack thereof for some, is believed to play a key role in preventing the natural human recovery response. In the short term, it temporarily reduces our pain. In the long term, it prolongs our suffering and can contribute to the development of heightened distress, intrusive recall, and hyperarousal symptoms that do not improve (possibly get worse) after the acute trauma and recovery have ended. If I continue to avoid cars after being in a car wreck, my related anxiety will only increase. And if I keep attempting to stop my memories of the wreck from happening, I’m continuing to give it my effort, attention, and not the mental space to recover, make sense of, and soothe related feelings.

This is why approaching your feelings associated with trauma at your pace with a therapist can be so important and enable your natural recovery. It not only can help to emotionally allow and process, but also to increase your understanding and establish an accurate appreciation for the self in context. This can help increase mental clarity, build confidence, and reduce internal confusion. In turn, opening up doors towards acceptance, empowerment, letting go of guilt and shame, and developing trust in ourselves and others again. 

Please reach out if you’d like to learn more or schedule a session.